Friday, April 23, 2010

In Response to Stupidity..

In Response to Stupidity..

Ah FaceBook where would I be without thee?

I would miss so much whiny liberal complaining, misinformation and yes…abject stupidity.

A tenant of Sun Tzu is that one must know their enemy if one is to defeat them – which is really unfortunate, as the mind of the typical liberal is so mired in elitism, emotionalism, delusion and guilt that it makes any meaningful understanding painful if not nauseating.

Tho who am I to deny Sun Tzu..

Damn thee ADD/ADDHD! I yet again, digress.

As the story goes, a friend posted the following: You Might Be a Liberal If…

Admittedly, I thought it was pretty funny and accurate (except for #8 – which only applies to the most lunatic fringe of liberalism).

I will spare you the whiny response and concurrent brilliant response by yours truly (OK, it wasn’t brilliant – but it got the job done).

Unable to compete on the battlefield of ideas, whiny liberal person (WLP) posted, in response, ‘You Might Be A Conservative If’, which I’m sure was pulled from Bill Maher’s website, or perhaps the Huffington Post..

Nauseatingly whiny and generally devoid of humor, it droned on.

I was struck, not only by the nauseatingly whiny, humorless stupidity – but also by the fact that it was nauseatingly whiny and humorlessly stupid … kind of like Rachel Maddow

I will reprint said stupidity – with my responses… because it’s my effing blog

You Might Be A Conservative...
You might be a conservative if...

You think "proletariat" is a type of cheese – only a liberal would start an insult with cheese. Seriously.. And then there is the whole class separation / warfare thing right off the bat. Of course, being a liberal elitist, they wish to establish a sense of intellectual superiority.. instead, they establish only their superiority complex and a love of fancy cheese….
You've named your kids "Deduction one" and "Deduction two." – I will be blunt here. Say that to my face, please. Question my love for my children. I will feed you your fucking teeth.
You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were just allowed to keep more of their minimum wage – ah yes my liberal friend, because the government can take care of people much better than they can, right? Perhaps if you can’t make it on minimum wage, some training or schooling (self betterment) might be in order? Maybe even a little personal accountability… The free market is the best hope for ending world poverty – not government intervention (and by the by, the convoluted tentacles enmeshed in the free market as it currently stands, effectively hamstrings the market from coming anywhere near that dream.
You've ever referred to someone as "my (insert racial or ethnic minority here) friend" – again, my liberal friend, you flex your stupidity in tremendous fashion. Liberals are the bean counters of friendships, making quotas and affirmative action lists – conservatives just have friends (and if they do categorize as such, then they are douchebags who call themselves conservatives and not true conservatives). Wait a moment while I kiss my brown immigrant wife and brown adopted daughter before I continue writing… you jagoff.
You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed to welfare. – Capitalism, socialism. liberalism nor conservatism existed at the time of Christ, you historically ignorant toad. ‘Do unto others’ and ‘teach a man to fish’ work pretty well for me. I also find it slightly disingenuous, that a liberal (who historically has a habit of attacking all things Christianity) would even bring Jesus into an argument…
You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty. – What’s your point? Liberals tend to grant more rights to fish, trees and insects than to unborn humans. If being ‘pro life’ is supposed to be an insult, than you are a bigger jackass than I thought. And yes, in a perfect world, devoid of any shadow of a doubt of guilt and or innocence – I’m ok with the death penalty (and something tells me, that if something unspeakable happened to your family, you would want the same… you hypocritical nutsack)
You think Huey Newton is a cookie. – It would’ve been better if he were. What is staggering is that you would even bring him up. Black Panthers have quite a checkered history. Not exactly a peaceful one. Then again, you unmitigated douchebags idolize Che Guerra, so I shouldn't really be surprised.
The only union you support is the Baseball Players, because heck, they're richer than you. – Dear God, you are an idiot. It’s not union members, it’s union leadership (radicalized, statist-leaning, uber-corrupt LEADERSHIP, we have a problem with). And for the record, nutsack, the average union guy makes a better living than most and has better benefits..
You think you might remember laughing once as a kid. – Nice. If anything, liberals are the glum, humorless souls who constantly wail against the inequities of life. And as adults, we laugh all the time, at liberals… you nutsack
You once broke loose at a party and removed your neck tie - stop, you’re killing me with the funnies… Do you even know any conservatives? Silly question.
You call mall rent-a-cops "jack-booted thugs." – a conservative wouldn’t say something that stupid. Strictly the prevue of liberals… ya nutsack
You've ever referred to the moral fiber of something. – your point being? Of course lacking any moral fiber of any kind, you wouldn’t understand. You’re just full of the regular kind – and poopie
You've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb the sons of bitches." – a rather simplistic response and not entirely inaccurate – a comparative liberal response would be ‘why don’t we just hold hands and sing kumbaya
You've ever said, "I can't wait to get into business school." - again, your point being? Business (not government) creates jobs. How else are you going to put the proletariat to work? Nutsack.
You've ever called a secretary or waitress "Tootsie." – you’re an idiot. And living in the 50s. and you’re a nutsack
You answer to "The Man." – see above response, circa 60-70s
You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense. – everybody thinks the Simpsons are funny. There aren’t enough liberals in America to keep it on the air for that long… nutsack
You fax the FBI a list of "Commies in my Neighborhood." – seriously? What decade are you living in?
You don't let your kids watch Sesame Street because you suspect Bert and Ernie of "sexual deviance." – and, you’re an idiot.
You use any of these terms to describe your wife: Old ball and chain, little woman, old lady, tax credit... – nice, except for the fact that conservative women can and choose to do anything they want – as opposed to liberal women who are vilified for having children. Nutsack.
You scream "Dit-dit-ditto" while making love. – Libs obsess about Limbaugh, we just listen to him. P.S. you have issues.
You've argued that art has a "moral foundation set in Western values." – unlikely a conservative has ever made that argument.
When people say "Marx," you think "Groucho." – would be better for the planet that way. I do so love your feux-intellectualism. Conservatives know Marx better than you do – knowing the enemy and all of that… nutsack.
You've ever yelled, "Hey hippie, get a haircut." - again, what decade? Nustack.
You think Birkenstok was that radical rock concert in 1969. – No. you’re just a douchebag.
You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your home. – no a shotgun would do quite nicely.. and you are an idiot.
Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you. – which part?
You point to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of the end of racism in America. – decade.. relevance.. tho having a black (and yes, I say black, or at least partially black) president may prove slightly more instructive, you race baiting douchebag.
You've ever said "civil liberties, schmivil schmiberties." – um.. no. you’re an idiot. Guarantee more conservatives have died protecting them than liberals have tho.
You've ever said "Clean air? Looks clean to me." – again, you’re just an idiot.
You've ever referred to Anita Hill as a "lying bitch" while attending a Bob Packwood fund-raiser. – Unlikely, and you are still a nutsack.
You spent MLK Day reading "The Bell Curve." – and… no.
You've ever called education a luxury. – again, no. not primary anyway. Higher education, yes. But I guess you aren’t talking about business school are you.
You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle. – the ceiling that persists by your making? Not so much. Free market prevents such things… nutsack.
You wonder if donations to the Pentagon are tax-deductable. - *sigh* Conservatives, by and large, are considerably more generous visa vie charaties than liberals. Look it up. Conservatives also like a strong defense, whereas you like appeasement. Again, you’re an idiot and a nutsack
You came of age in the '60s and don't remember Bob Dylan. – sorry, how old are you again? And everyone knows who Dylan is… idiot.
You own a vehicle with an "Ollie North: American Hero" sticker. – Never seen one. Although the ‘Bush is a war criminal’ sticker is classy.. and irrelevant.. nutsack
You're afraid of the "liberal media." – you’re funny. Liberal media is irritating at best and generally irrelevant. MSNBC is a joke, you’re the ones who get in a tizzy over FOX commentators..
You ever based an argument on the phrase, "Well, tradition dictates...." – never have, but even if I did, what would be the problem? I suppose nothing of relevance ever happened before you were born, right?
You've ever called the National Endowment for the Arts a bunch of pornographers. – only when they have bullwhips up their asses or cover the Virgin Mary in elephant dung.
You think all artists are gay. – not so much, and wouldn’t care if they were.
You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a trash can because he is lazy and doesn't want to contribute to society." – you are a sad and pathetic little man
You've ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, when they don't even have shoes. – again, the conservative is much more likely to give them a pair of shoes, bring them into their house for dinner and then show the how to do it – then expect them to do so. The liberal will force them to rely on government to provide substandard shoes and to hate those who have better shoes than they. Nutsack
You confuse Lenin with Lennon. – one was one of the greatest mass murderers in history, the other, a musician – gunned down by a lunatic. The greater question, why do you idolize Lenin? An instructive way to end this as any I suppose.

To my friends of the SubStandard, I apologize…clearly not my most insightful or relevant work. Sometimes, irritation and lack of sleep gets the best of me…. Nothing that a good night’s sleep wont fix..

Next week, we shall explore the stupidity that is Bill Clinton, or perhaps I shall rant about the farce that is ‘financial reform’.

Remember, next time you come in contact with a Liberal – argue with them. They may not learn anything, but it’s fun to point out their glaring idiocy.

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