Dirty and Wrong

Yup.
I'm wrong.
Dirty and wrong...and I am shamefaced.

(OK, not shamefaced exactly - because that pushes the needle on the wuss-o-meter to an uncomfortably high reading.. and I'm not exactly dirty, being a big fan of personal hygiene and all.. but I think you get the general idea)

and cue the music with dulcet tones of lamentation and insightful regret...

I read a book, found it to be smart and entertaining, but essentially dismissed the author.

I've focused on moments of incoherent ramblings and infantile showmanship and largely ignored the greater message.

Oh sure. I gave him grudging props now and again - but I didn't want to be identified as a 'fan' or admirer in any sense of the word.

Most importantly, I bowed to the pressure.
It was easier to be dismissive.
It was easier to turn up my nose and essentially play the elitist.
It was easier to go along with the crowd.
It was easier to not be judged.

And I suck.

And just like that, I can't look in the mirror -
and not just because 2 years of non-exercise is not very sexy on a body, not very sexy at all..

I really would've liked to think that I was better than this.
I would've liked to think that I was setting a better example for my daughter - to stand up for what is right, not just for what is convenient.
I would've liked to think that I would've had the conviction of my ideals to make my own assessment and not allow others to do it for me.

Who knows.
Maybe 'they' are right.
Maybe he is a divisive lunatic.
Maybe he is an egoist of the highest order.

But IF I come to that assessment, then the assessment must be mine to make. An honest assessment, free from fear of derision or judgment.

Today I sat and listened to Glen Beck's CPAC keynote speech -
and I was glued to the monitor (which for my ADD-riddled ass is no mean feat). It was the first speech that I ever willingly sat thru - and no one could be more surprised than I.
It was magnificent.
It was insightful.
It was funny.
It was a philosophical and intellectual call to arms.
And I suck.
Or at least I did.

And so I apologize for my intellectual dishonesty.
And Mr. Beck, I thank you.
Not just for your incredible speech - but for providing me the opportunity for evaluating my own inherent stupidity.
I'd like to shake your hand and buy you a cup of coffee.

Maybe this whole fatherhood thing is making me a little sappy.
Maybe the lack of sleep is messing with my head.
Or maybe, I have the impetus to be the best person that I can be - the kind of man that does not reflexively judge another for personal and social expediency.

It's morning in America
(and apparently, my tiny bundle of 'impetus' needs her diaper changed.. so it appears that my foray into the realm of public confession must come to an abrupt and merciful end)

Inspired and exhausted is an interesting and potent elixir.

Time to grab a diaper, baby wipes and cup of coffee and get to work.
(now if I could only learn to cry on cue....)